Boats Aren’t Real

People always say the world is getting smaller, and I think that’s a real shame. We used to have such a desire for adventure and discovery as a species, but it just seems to have gone away. Humanity went to the moon, and then we kind of just gave up, decided there wasn’t anything else to discover. Obviously it would help if we had a way to get across the sea. We’ve got a way to get under it, now that the Bass Tunnel is operational, which is nice. It really annoyed me how I had to catch a plane just to get to Victoria. But why don’t we figure out a way to travel on top of the water, like with a water car or something? Think of all the things we’ve missed!

The guys at Brighton tyre and auto tell me that I’m crazy whenever I suggest it. They say we already have these things called boats and ships, but I’m pretty sure they’re a myth. They’re good in theory, but it just doesn’t make sense. I’ve seen the pictures, and they’re so large. How could something that big possibly float? It’s impossible. My idea would be to have something smaller, like a car but able to travel on the water. Not a portable country.

I’m having to dig my heels in a bit, because everyone is starting to tell me I’m wrong. “What about the Ghost of Tasmania?” my work colleagues say. “What about the Titanic?” say the mechanics at the car repair shop in Brighton. “What about that cruise we went on for our honeymoon?” asks my wife. I told her what I believe to be the truth. There was no cruise. We were obviously given hallucinatory drugs and kept in a building the whole time. I don’t know why nobody else realises it. Has anybody actually seen one of these boats before? If they did, it must have been fake. As much as I want us to traverse the seas, the idea is pretty far fetched. Anybody who believes in the Titanic or pirates is a fool.