Can’t Get Hardware

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve had to go to the hardware store this month, I’d have exactly one dollar. Now, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve tried to go to the hardware store this month, I’d have… more than that. Significantly more.

I’ve been meaning to head down there and get some electrical supplies for my latest diabolical invention, but I keep crashing my car, thanks to the war going on between the sentient cars and the glass tinting fanatics. Things are really crazy out there, but there’s surprisingly little written about it. I mean this is a full-on war. It’s brutal. It seems like a development in this world’s story that should be followed closely, not brushed over and mentioned only in passing. It seems like everyone is so obsessed with Australia’s Next Top Office that they’ve forgotten all about the other plotlines going on, for lack of a better term. I mean, seriously, I couldn’t get my electrical hardware supplies. Cheltenham was just too dangerous out there.

How is an evil genius supposed to unleash his next plans if he can’t get the supplies needed? I could probably order them online, but my security system has been acting up. The lasers shoot anybody who enters the premises, and I’ve already got six mailmen, um… missing, thanks to that. I feel like if this gang war was getting the attention it deserved, the streets would be in a better place, you know? Then I could go down to a Hampton hardware store and get the things I need for my latest invention.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad people are watching ANTO on Not Flicks because they’re starting to see that my nemesis, The Dirge, is nothing but a bumbling idiot who takes credit for my diabolical plans. It’s about time people saw the real him. Maybe we can get a bit of a balance, though? Less Next Top Office and more of the other stories in this crazy world that we know and love. That would be nice.