Well, that’s definitely the strangest query letter I’ve ever received. I don’t represent science fiction or fantasy, but for some reason, a Melbourne writer has sent me their entire manuscript along with a three-page letter about their “subversive masterpiece”. The query letter didn’t even talk about the first book in the series. It was mostly rambling about books five and six. Something about blocks of ice and glass blowing ants. What did I think of it? Well, I thought it was awful. But then again, I passed on a work that just won the Nobel Peace Prize, which wasn’t even possible before they changed the award so that it could win. Maybe my taste in books isn’t too reliable.
But still, a fantasy character that travels to a colony of ants because they had a dream about a glass balustrade in the Melbourne area? Tell me I’m not crazy. That’s a bad idea, right? Not to mention the delusions of grandeur and sheer arrogance of this writer. He would be a nightmare to work with. Who writes five epic fantasy books in a series before the first is even published? It’s insane. I don’t care if he dreamt of the best glazier Melbourne has to offer. It just doesn’t make sense.
A mechanic slipping through a crack in time at the end of a down to earth novel didn’t make sense either. The New York Hours wrote, “Surely its author never received a rejection letter, for any agent would be stupid to pass up this masterpiece.” Yeah, well, shut up New York Hours. Harold Scarface was rejected at least twelve times.
I suppose I should at least have a look at the pages. They did send me their entire manuscript. Normally I would throw it out without looking, but I’m getting desperate. Gotta pay the rent somehow. I don’t represent his genre, but, well, it’s not like I represent anything at the moment.
– Janet McCallom