Sports Over Life

“You need to invent five new animals by the end of the week,” the archangel to her right yelled over the sound of smashing billiard balls. God could feel the way his wings were ruffled in frustration without having to turn around.

“Aren’t there any drafts I have lying around that you can use?” She waved her hand in the air, her attention still on analysing the table for her next play. 

“We promised we wouldn’t use any of your old ‘drafts’ again after the poisonous animals fiasco,” he declared as she stretched out across the pool table. “Australia never truly recovered, it took a miracle for any humans to want to set up their homes there!”

Lining up her cue stick, she took her shot and watched as the final ball ricocheted into the nearest hole. A holy choir sang to announce her victory. It was no wonder the humans liked this game so much. Adam wasn’t going to know what hit him when they played their next tournament.

God turned to see her angry angel staring up at her, clipboard clutched to his chest. She sighed.  There wasn’t any way to get out of this one. “What’s the point of inventing new animals anyway,” she tried to argue, walking and taking a seat on her stationary bike to shake off the incoming stress. “Can’t we make them come up with it?”


“The humans!” She smiled, her brain beginning to work as fast as her feet. “I mean, look at this,” she gestured to the bicycle, treadmill and dumbbells that made up one corner of her cloud. “They came up with this all on their own and it’s the best! Home gym equipment. Delivery was a pain, but that’s only because I don’t really have a…” She waved her hand around the room. “Home. If they can come up with this, they can come up with animals.”

She could see her angel was biting back some choice words. He seemed to clutch the clipboard even tighter in what was an attempt to compose himself. His knuckles were turning white. “No, they… they really can’t. It’s your job.” 

God paused on the bicycle. “Fine,” she said, standing up from the bike, “then I quit.”