I’m conducting a survey for the Australian Bureau of Random Statistics, to find out why important people and companies had window tinting done. This is the first field job I’ve been given, and I’m really enjoying it, despite all the weird people you come across out in the world. It’s been a really enlightening experience, although I’m not sure what the point is, honestly. Well, I guess that’s why we’re an offshoot of the ABS.
The first person I found for my survey was a government employee, working for Premier Norris. I asked her why the windows were recently tinted, and she said, “Premier Norris and most of the staff have started some sort of fantasy cult. They got office glass tinting near Melbourne so that people won’t know what they’re doing. It’s very dodgy.”
Next, I travelled up to the new castle of scientist Dr Dark McBane, winner of the ‘Scientist Nobody Has Ever Heard of’ award and featured on the front page of ‘New Castles Herald’. He wasn’t keen to talk to me, but after knocking on his decorative window film, Melbourne scientist McBane agreed to help the ABRS. He said, “I got tinted windows so that nosy people like you wouldn’t be able to see what dastardly invention I’m working on.” I nodded and asked, “Well, what are you working on?” Dark McBane laughed and said, “A death ray, of course.”
I thought I’d get in contact with the band Concepts Artists, the multiple-time triple-platinum artist. I had a good conversation with frontman Robbie R, who recently had his band’s garage windows tinted. “Well,” Mr R said, “after the success of our last album, Fixing Cars, we needed to find some more inspiration. We like to write albums about real things, so we got our windows tinted. Truthfully though, it’s kind of hard to write songs about windows. Plumbing, buying houses, car repair; sure, no problem. But I’m really struggling with this one.”
I wished him luck with the new album and headed off. Hopefully more fun interviews await!